


A Vamp in the Hand

by General_Zargon



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton, The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: Gen, Harry and Richard are happy goofballs, Harry-as-Anita, Jean-Claude deserves nice things, Richard is a BAMF cinnamon roll, Unconscious vampires, Who set things on fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 01:38:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/General_Zargon/pseuds/General_Zargon
Summary: In which Harry and Richard decide to give JC presents and knock some vampires unconscious, not necessarily in that order. Also, there's fire. Because Harry.





	A Vamp in the Hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PurpleMoon3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleMoon3/gifts).



> Okay, so I pretty much read PurpleMoon3's Executioner Dresden series, got inspired, and was graciously given permission to write this. Not sure how well it turned out, because I couldn't decide whether to write it from Harry/Anita's point of view like in the above series and the actual books. In the end I decide to stick with second person, because that's what I'd started with. Might try the first person thing later once I recover from this work, but until then, I hope you all enjoy my attempt at an AU of an AU. :)
> 
> P.S. JC's bit killed me, because I cannot write an accent to save my life.

There were two unconscious vampires in front of her, and it wasn't her fault.

"That was your fault."

Harry Dresden (formerly Anita Blake until certain events took place and the name change went through) looked up and glared at Richard, the lying liar. He looked relaxed and far more dignified than anyone had any right to after kicking ass completely naked (she spoke from experience the world over, and she was _not jealous_ , damnit!) as he stood next to her. She kept her eyes above the waist, really, she paid no attention to his rippling muscles and blatant masculinity. She just stared firmly at the werewolf's nose as she said, like the bastion of maturity she was, "Was not."

"Was too." Was the immediate reply, a grin spreading across Richard's face and making him look almost boyish. His eyes twinkling in amusement reinforced the image as he pointed out gleefully, "They certainly didn't knock _themselves_ out,"

"You don't know that, they could have. I've seen it happen!" Harry huffed, neglecting to mention that half of the times she'd seen people knock themselves out was because she'd tossed them into walls. Richard did not need to know that information.

"Are you sure that wasn't because you dropped a wall on them or something?"

... _Damn it_!

"How the hell did you know that?" She blurted out, then scowled when the werewolf started chortling, "You didn't, did you?" She asked suspiciously.

Richard grinned, shaking his head as he admitted easily, "Nope, not until you told me," and laughed at the resulting glare. "Seriously though, how many times have you knocked someone out by hitting them with a wall?" He asked curiously.

Harry sniffed, not deigning to dignify that with a response, and instead changed the subject with a subtle, "So, what are we supposed to do with these?"

_These_ meaning the unconscious vampires that she'd nearly forgotten about until she needed the distraction. (Who says she can't be sneaky? _Shut up, Lash_!). Both of them were unfairly attractive, one of them blond and the other brunet, the blonde's hair forming a bright yellow halo around his head where he was sprawled out, the golden strands likely to brush his shoulders had he been standing. The brunet's hair was the same length, but shaggy in that careless, unbrushed way that would look like a failure to groom properly on anyone else, yet on the vampire somehow managed to be sexy. They were even dressed kind of the same - the blond had on a plain black t-shirt under an open dark jacket, black jeans, and heavy-duty boots that looked like they could kick a dozen asses and come back for seconds. The brunet wore the same except - she caught her breath - his boots were genuine, made-to-kick-shit cowboy boots, battered all to hell and obviously well-loved.

She spared a moment to wonder if the boots were to the brown-haired vampire what her old duster had been to her, and she promptly ignored the pang in her chest at the thought of her old coat. She had a new one now but it wasn't the same, and not just because she'd been taller - and male - back when she'd had her previous coat.

Closer examination revealed that the lumps on their heads were already going down, but they were still out of it, which could only be a good thing because they still hadn't decided what the hell they should do with them.

Richard's voice broke through her thoughts, and when she glanced over she saw he was wearing a shit-eating grin as he graciously allowed the change in subject, instead nodding faux-seriously as he said, "Good question. We can't exactly leave the poor guys laying there, it'll be dawn in a couple of hours."

Both wizard and werewolf looked around, taking in the almost idyllic scene of a forest clearing bordered by sparsely-limbed trees and bushes that were one step away from tumbleweeds. Located in scenic middle-of-nowhere almost an hour away from the city, it was a perfect example of the great St. Louis outdoors in the balmy summer night. The humidity was so thick it felt like it was trying to choke her, and the sweat glistening on Richard's muscles showed that even he wasn't immune to the heat. The isolated location also meant it was a perfect place for a rogue Master Vampire to hide a few bodies from the authorities, and the corpses probably would have gone undiscovered if Richard hadn't caught a whiff of decay while they were wandering around searching for something else entirely.

(Why the wolf king was tagging along while she was tromping through the woods in the middle of the night was a whole other story.)

Long story short, they stumbled over the rogue vamp, his three fledglings, and their pet werehyena as they were dumping the corpses of their latest victims, and all hell proceeded to break loose. It started with a _fuego_ , was followed by Richard transforming to get his teeth on the hyena, and midway through the chaos two more vampires showed up, only to be rendered unconscious almost immediately. It could have been because the tree limb that she had sent hurtling towards the head vamp collided with their heads instead, she admitted, but she was of the opinion that Richard tackling them immediately afterwards before going after the shifter hadn't helped.

("Why did you knock those guys out?" Richard asked, his voice deeper and more growl-y in his partially-shifted form as he rolled back to his feet and snapped at the hyena.

"I didn't!" She defended, launching a quick _ventus_ towards two of the vamps and knocking them back to give herself some breathing room. "And even if I did, they could have been reinforcements for the bad guys!" She added.

"True." The werewolf admitted, absently swatting his fully shifted opponent and sending it scurrying back with several deep gashes to the face. "That boss vamp looked kind of surprised when they showed up though."

"Doesn't mean they couldn't be! Now less talking, more maiming! _Fuego_!" And that was the end of the conversation for a while.)

Yup, totally Richard's fault, she decided. That was her story and she was sticking to it.

And around twelve heart-pounding minutes later the rogue Master Vampire, his minions, and the werehyena (which now looked like a piece of beef that lost a fight with a lawnmower) were dead. The vampires' bodies were cheerfully burning, and she and her werewolf compatriot were trying to figure out what to do with the two surviving undead (she snorted a little at the oxymoron, ignoring Richard's curious look). It was a given that they'd report the dump site once they got back to St. Louis, but since they didn't know if the two vamps were friends of the ones who'd been dumping the bodies, it probably wasn't a good idea to leave them wandering around. The two probably weren't, considering the appalled and angry looks that crossed their faces when they saw the mound of bodies, but you could never be too careful. She was all about safety.

She staunchly ignored the incredulous snort that only she could hear, Richard obliviously sniffing at the unconscious pair and looking thoughtful. That made her frown, because that was the kind of considering look that _she_ usually had when coming up with a plan, which usually ended in copious amounts of fire and a trip to the hospital. She was immediately on guard, and grew even more suspicious as a slow grin worked its way across the man's face.

"Okay, what's that look for?" She demanded, taking a small step to the side and looking at Richard warily as the man looked one second away from bouncing in glee. The link between them was singing with _ideasneakyfun_ , and she could only hope that JC wasn't paying attention...wait a minute. She paused at the thought of the Master of St. Louis, slowly following Richard's train of thought and not even trying to fight the grin that spread across her own face as she figured out what the werewolf's idea was.

"Stars and Stones, that is _brilliant_." She breathed, and she didn't need a mirror to see that her expression was exactly the same as Richard's look of delight and mischief.

"Well, he is always giving us presents, so why not return the favor?" He pointed out.

"Sold!"

* * *

 

The Master of St. Louis frowned in puzzlement as he peered down at the two bodies he'd found in his office, both tied with ribbon - something that had no chance of holding a vampire, even a newborn one, which the two in front of him were certainly not. The giant bows tied in the ribbon suggested it was more for the visual effect than for restraint, Jean-Claude thought, an unnoticeable smile lifting the corners of his lips as he shook his head in bemusement.

_Musical, tinkling laughter drifted through his mind, pure and lovely and so wickedly amused-_

The Marks were alive with his human-servant's and Animal-to-Call's delight, the link bright with their joy and curiosity over how he would take their surprise presents, an honest desire to give him a gift (of protection, of power) hidden in the guise of a joke.

His smile widened, and he chuckled almost against his will. It was clear from their thoughts that the pair thought the two vampires they had 'given' him were just random wanderers unlucky enough to happen upon them in the middle of a battle with a rogue and those he turned (and possibly a Hyena-to-Call? There had definitely been a shifter there, but the memories were vague). Oh, how wrong they were. For all he had never seen the two, he knew _of_ them, and the brunet's battered cowboy boots all but confirmed their identity.

Almost all had heard of the brothers who had managed to kill their entire bloodline when their sourdre de sang went insane and members of their line began randomly killing people. They were considered among the greatest of all vampire warriors, for all that they were masterless.

Privately, he was deeply amused, because only his petite and his wolf would manage to give him The Wicked Truth as a gift without even knowing who they were!

The blond and brunet began to stir, and he schooled his features into the unreadable mask he had learned over the centuries. (It should not have taken them that long to awaken - perhaps a new spell or potion of his Harriet's? He would have to ask).

By the time they looked up, tearing groggily through the ribbon binding them and pulling the bows from their heads, he was sitting behind his desk and peering at them over the hands he had clasped in front of his face.

His voice practically purred as he spoke, "My greetings, Wicked Truth. Since ma belle and mon loup have so graciously brought you to me, perhaps you can spare a moment to talk...?"

 


End file.
